If you’re depressed or anxious in your current country, will moving help? That depends.

When this topic comes up on forums, a lot of expats say, “Wherever you go, there you are.” Supposedly, all your problems are internal, and you’ll just drag them with you.

Oh, really?

Moving could make bad thinking worse

If you have unhealthy thought patterns, moving to a new country might not be enough to disrupt them. The stress could even make them worse.

For example, if your brain likes to catastrophize, it will love finding everything that could go wrong with going abroad.

“What if someone steals my phone? What if all the ATMs reject my card? What if killer bees attack? Here’s an article about a guy whose arm was sliced off by an elevator there!!!”

If you do move, you might become the person who needs everything to be just like it was at home, because anything different makes you anxious.

Flip side: Moving could encourage you to get stronger

Going abroad requires you to believe in your ability to deal with the unknown.

Build that confidence by learning to manage negative thoughts and emotions. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy seems tailor-made to support a major life change. ACT techniques have these goals:

  • Clarify your basic values
  • Commit to doing difficult things that support those values
  • Accept the unpleasant feelings that come when you do difficult things
  • Remain in the present moment, even if it’s unpleasant
  • See your emotions as just emotions and not truths
  • Don’t argue with irrational thoughts; just observe them (in contrast to cognitive-behavioral therapy)

There’s a lot of overlap with Buddhism, mindfulness, and stoicism, so if you don’t like the “therapy” angle, you might look at those traditions.

Make some test trips with your new self-management skills, and soon you’ll see yourself confidently organizing lodging, navigating a new city, and ordering food in a language that you don’t actually speak.

Finally, one night at 11 PM you’ll be lost and tired on an alien subway system in a country where you’re illiterate, but you’ll calmly figure out what to do, because you’ve built resilience.

Maybe a new culture will actually help

People who say smugly, “Wherever you go, there you are” ignore the profound effect of culture.

Your childhood was probably spent in a family subculture, which was immersed in a bigger regional culture. You absorbed all sorts of beliefs that could be hurting you now.

Some example beliefs:

  • You should always be kind and understanding and never say no.
  • You should never show your emotions; that’s weakness.
  • If you want to be in our group, you have to hate that group.
  • You shouldn’t be proud of what you’ve done. Don’t stick out.
  • You should push hard to achieve something. Don’t be a loser.
  • If you don’t believe X, you’re a terrible person.

Of course every culture has beliefs that can make people miserable. The advantage of moving to a new culture, however, is that it isn’t yours.

Example: You’ve pried yourself out of your culture and are now surrounded by a new one. Here, the people believe Y instead of X, just like you! That’s a win.

But they also believe Z, which you’re not enthusiastic about. Because it’s not your culture, you can politely dodge Z. You can respectfully interact with the people who embrace it, but you don’t have to join in wholeheartedly, because you’re a foreigner.

If you choose your country carefully, looking for overlap between your values and theirs, you shouldn’t feel like a misfit all the time. But because you’re a foreigner, of course you’ll feel out of place sometimes.

It can be painful to feel out of place in your own country. But it’s normal to feel out of place in a different country. That alone is a huge help.

Make sure you’re seeing things clearly

Your emotions can mess with your life. Are they messing with your view of your home country right now? Are they exaggerating problems? Here are some tips to make sure you’re thinking clearly.

Photo at the top: Sydney, Australia