How to stay sane during the visa process

Just when you think you’ve done everything the bureaucrats want, they ask you to perform another trick. Here’s how to stay sane when getting a visa.

Accept that the rules aren’t really rules

To get your visa, you’ll have to meet lots of requirements. But how can you find out what they are?

Because you’re sensible, you look at the government’s website. You see a list of requirements for your visa, so your question is answered!

Not so fast. That’s just one version of the visa requirements. Even though the list appears on the government’s own website, you can’t believe it.

That’s because:

• Each consulate might interpret the rules differently, telling you to turn in different documents or meet different standards than the government site said.
• Each city immigration office in your target country might also interpret them differently, telling you that what you turned in at the consulate wasn’t enough and that you need to also spend several hours or weeks getting yet another document.

This has been true of all three countries where I’ve gotten a residence visa. It’s probably the biggest adjustment for someone coming from a culture where rules are rules.

Believe only your assigned consulate

Your target country has several consulates. Contact the national immigration office and ask which consulate you should use to apply for a visa. It will probably be based on where you live.

Get all your subsequent information from that consulate. You have to do this because different consulates of the same country can have different requirements for the same visa.

For example, the consulate in City A might say you have to have an income of X for a retirement visa, while the consulate in City B for the same country will say that the requirement is Y.

Or one consulate might say you have to show a long-term lease for an apartment, while another will say you just need to complete a form that records in which city you plan to live.

Focus only on what your consulate says.

Be an overachiever

Make extra copies
Do the “rules” say you need to provide one copy of your passport? Make two or three and always bring them. Because when you go to the immigration office to perform some minor rite that suppposedly doesn’t need a photocopy of your passport, you’ll discover that it actually does, and you’re not allowed to use a photocopier in the office, you have to go back out to the street and find a copy service, which will be closed because it’s lunch time.

Copy everything
Do the rules not even mention a copy of your passport? Make two or three anyway, and throw in some copies of your current ID card as well. One country even wanted photocopies of my credit card, front and back. Just empty your wallet onto a photocopier.

Add a couple of copies of your health insurance policy and the receipt proving that you paid for it. If there’s a card for the policy, photocopy that as well.

Bring originals
Do they want a notarized copy of the deed to your real estate? Bring the actual deed as well, in case they doubt the authenticity of the copy, even though a notary in their own city has stamped every page.

Bring a blue pen
When you finally go to the appointment, bring a pen, and make sure it’s a blue one. Black ink might not be accepted because it can look like a copy, rather than an original.

Have weird details at hand
Have on hand random bits of information, such as the birthdates of each of your siblings, your last address in your former country, your height in centimeters, and the national ID number of your landlord. I use Joplin so this type of information is always on my phone in a secure format.

Expect to waste time

Completing forms, getting apostilles, and notarizing documents already takes a lot of time. Expect to also spend time creating things that will be literally thrown away.

I was told by one consulate that I had to provide two printed photos of a specific type and size, which I obediently spent a morning getting.

Then, at the visa appointment two weeks later, the consulate staff didn’t want the photos. Instead they had me sit in a booth so they could take the photos themselves, because now it’s all digital, didn’t I know that?

Don’t ask why

“Why do they say I have to photocopy even the blank pages in my passport?” you ask yourself, because you’re a rational being.

You’ll ask it again (silently!) at the consular appointment, when the worker goes through your photocopy and throws out all the blank pages.

Asking “why” highlights the absurdity and makes you want to resist, but resistance is futile.

Just accept that you have to do each pointless thing, and do it with as little thought and irritation as possible.

Empathize with the bureaucrats

When you go to turn in your application, you’ll probably have to stand in line for a while, like two hours.

When you finally get to a worker, you’ll be facing a person who has dealt with stressed and cranky people for at least two hours already. Don’t be another stressed and cranky person. Instead, smile, greet her with “good day” or whatever is used in that culture, and calmly explain why you’re there.

This makes the next half hour more pleasant for everyone. I think I’ve also gotten some slack because of it.

Keep notes

After every appointment or email, write down what you learned. Eventually you’ll have your own customized list of what the offices that you’re working with require for the visa.

Then, when it’s time to renew, you’ll be better prepared. For example, you’ll know that when they fail to require a photocopy of your left foot, all toes included, you should bring it anyway.

Keep the end in mind

You’re doing all this work because you want to improve your life. Keep reminding yourself of that as you slog through the bureaucracy or fly to places you never intend to stay just to turn in paperwork.

Here’s the grimly entertaining story of how a young Russian jumped through several hoops to leave the country of Georgia, where he had fled in 2022, to get residency in Portugal by way of Serbia. His story is more complex than most, but even a more straightforward visa can require strange trips. For example, I had to fly to Mexico from Spain to get my Spanish visa. I had to fly to Spain from Bulgaria to get my Bulgarian visa. Yes, this makes no sense.

Photo at the top: Performers at a medieval festival in Sigüenza, Spain