Less attachment makes cross-cultural life easier. Here’s how to avoid clinging to things and ideas when you’re moving abroad.
Less stuff
A common interpretation of minimalism focuses on “less stuff.” It’s obvious how this can help you emigrate.
- If you have less stuff, it’s easier to move it.
- If you don’t leave stuff behind, you don’t have to pay for storage.
- If you pare your belongings down to a suitcase or two, you can travel full time.
Are you tempted to keep a thing because of the memories it has? Take a picture of it that you can carry with you everywhere. Then give it away or sell it. It works.
Less attachment
More powerful is the psychology behind minimalism: Don’t become attached to things or ideas. Less attachment means more comfort in more situations.
- If you don’t “have” to have a certain thing, you can happily live in countries where it doesn’t exist.
- If you’ve learned to live with simple appliances and tools, you can adjust to life anywhere.
- If you don’t require certain standards, you can be comfortable where standards are different.
- If you don’t think that everyone should do things the “right” way, you’ll be a lot happier everywhere.
More attachment means more misery for you and the people around you. Go to any expat bar to hear this in action. The common complaints have attachment at their core.
- “They don’t do X correctly here.” = I’m stuck on one way to do X.
- “They don’t have proper Y.” = I accept only one type of Y.
- “There’s too much Z.” = I won’t change my standard for Z.
Before your move, stretch your comfort zone
If you find yourself saying “I could never…” that’s a sign that you need to do exactly that thing. Examples:
- “I could never live without a clothes dryer.” Hang the next load to dry. Rig up a line somewhere or find that folding rack that got buried in the back of the garage and hang your laundry. You might even come to like crunchy towels.
- “I could never sleep on a futon on the floor.” Have you tried it for more than one dismal night in a friend’s spare room? Pile up some mats on the floor and try it again. Notice how efficient it is: You don’t need nightstands anymore, because you have the floor. You don’t have to vacuum under the bed because there’s no bed. The room feels bigger. You could even get used to getting up and down without feeling old.
- “I could never eat dim sum for breakfast.” Get some dim sum the night before and heat it up for breakfast. Eat it. You’ve done it!
More ideas that will make you a happier traveler or immigrant:
- Walk in neighborhoods that make you slightly uncomfortable, such as a neighborhood where people like you rarely go. Practice feeling self-conscious and managing that feeling. Notice the judgements that spring up in your brain and just look at them rather than believing them.
- Go to events that you would otherwise not go to, such as a country-western line dance party if you don’t like country music or a hockey game if you can’t see why anyone would follow hockey. You don’t have to stay for the whole thing, but stay long enough to really see that everyone else is enjoying themselves, start to understand why, and (again) just observe your judgments rather than clinging to them.
- If you’re a foodie, buy the craptastic cheapo version of something, such as instant coffee. Use it. It’s not the same as a careful pour-over made with Ethiopian fair-trade beans. It’s different, and it’s something that millions of people use every day, including in Europe where supposedly everyone drinks fresh espresso while standing at a stylish bar.
The goal is to stop seeing the world in a binary way, where people are “in” or “out,” where food is “good” or “bad,” where standards are “high” or “low.” Your mental programming is local to your country and culture. It’s not universal. And our human tendency to judge everything can make us miserable when we’re in unfamiliar cultures with different standards.
Photo at the top: Synagogue in Córdoba, Spain